How to Emotionally Scar Your Friend (Flop Friday #1)

Okay, here’s the thing: don’t do what I did.

Welcome to a new installment of the Salty Stressball blog. Flop Fridays, in which I write about a time in my life in which I, or someone I know, ended up as a flop. Urban Dictionary defines a flop as something that fails miserably, but you could also interpret "flop" in the literal sense, meaning something has fallen in one way or another.

This flop happened only a few weeks ago, when I was invited to go to Lagoon Amusement Park with my friend Emma (yes, we do have the same name). On the drive to Lagoon, my friend Abbi was texting me. For the past year or so, Abbi and I have made many trips to Lagoon together, so the fact that I was going with someone else made her a bit… salty (haha). Most of the time, our conversations over text (and in real life), are full of sarcasm, so I knew I didn’t need to be too worried about this. 

You see, whenever Abbi and I go to Lagoon, she won’t go on the Rocket ride with me. This is because, somehow, Abbi heard about a little girl who was squashed underneath the ride as it fell back to the ground. This is a very valid reason to be terrified of the ride, so I don't ever try to push her to go on it.

I ended up going on the Rocket with Emma, and for some crazy reason, my brain decided that it would be funny to mess around with Abbi about this. So, on our way home, I texted her.

Me: Um hi. Something really bad happened at Lagoon, today.

Abbi: Which was?

Me: Well, you know the ride that you never want to go on?

Abbi: Yes… Oh gosh… What happened?

This was the point at which I could’ve turned around and gotten myself out of this mess, but, unfortunately, I kept going. 

Me: I went on it, and when the ride came down, my foot got stuck.

Abbi: ???????

I knew at this point that she was already worried, but I assumed that she didn’t really believe me. I thought that she was just going to go along with me and laugh at the joke, but I was very wrong. And my next response didn’t help me in any way.

Me: So, I am currently hospitalized.

Abbi: ARE YOU SERIOUS????

I was happily giggling to myself at this point because I knew I had fooled her, but I didn't want to make the situation too awful. I knew she believed me so I tried to get her to realize I was joking by responding in only short words or phrases.

Me: Yes.

Abbi: EMMA, OH MY GOD!

Me: I am in pain.

Abbi: DUDE!

The next part of this “joke” is what I was the most proud of. I responded with the exact picture below, without any context.

Courtesy of Tom Brezsny

Yes. I know. A picture of Ashton Kutcher and the “You Just Got Punk'd” title. 

This probably seems terribly cruel to most of the people reading this, but in my mind, I was a comedy genius. Abbi didn't agree.

Abbi: ...I am in literal tears. I hate you so much.

Me: YOU CRIED?!

Abbi: I CRIED FROM PANIC!

What followed this reply was a lengthy explanation in which Abbi told me that, when she saw I had texted her, she was going to pretend to be mad that I went to Lagoon without her. She had everything planned out, but when I said that I was hospitalized she was taken aback, and blamed it on herself. Abbi had no reason to blame my "injury" on her, but her brain did, either way. She then told me that she was going to say something about how it was karma for not going to Lagoon with her, but as she was frantically typing that, I sent the picture, and she lost it.

The following day, I saw Abbi at school. She wouldn't talk to me for a while, but when she finally did speak to me, the first thing she said was, "You emotionally scarred me."

Whenever this occurrence surfaces in conversation, Abbi never forgets to mention how much she hates me for it. She also talks about how she will get me back for it eventually, which in return, makes me a bit paranoid to be honest.

I hope I have reached out to you soon enough in your life that a prank hasn't ended as a flop for you. If so, try your hardest not to prank your friends in this sort of way. I recommend the classics that don't scar anyone; it's your safest bet.

Anyway, carry on.

xx Em