Wishful Thinking

Okay, here's the thing: I've spent my whole life wishing. 

Most of this wishing has to do with my location.

I think that everyone has had that feeling. A feeling of slight disappointment and feeling like they want to be anywhere else but where they are.

If the person reading this post is one of my close friends, you have definitely seen me at this point. Nearly everyday I say something about not wanting to swim, go to school, etc.

I think that one of my issues is that I tend to think about too many things at one time and it builds up too high. When I have too many things on my mind I start to complain about it and then it comes out in a rumble of negativity. After I spit it all out I begin thinking about it even more and it's always just sitting in the back of my mind, ruining my mood.

I sometimes wish I was back on this road trip. 

For the past few days I have actually had a lot on my mind, and it has proven what I just explained above. This  week is the week before the quarter ends, and I am missing Thursday and Friday of school due to a swim meet, the state competition. This has been looming over me since sometime last week, when we really started to work on racing during practice. While I was at practice I was thinking about the homework I had to do and the tests I had to study for. While I was doing my homework, I was thinking about the swimming competition.

Last Sunday, when I was scrambling to finish an essay that was due that night, I was having the hardest time focusing. I was trying my best to get all of my thoughts down on the paper, but I began to think about swim. I hadn't been feeling very good since High School Swim season had ended, and the meet was approaching so fast. I remember staring at a sentence on the computer screen that I had been rewriting over and over while I thought about how poorly I would do at State.

At this point, I began freaking out and every little thing was distracting me. I was so on edge that one small thing brought me to my breaking point.

I laid face down on the ground and silently cried. It seems dramatic, but it's what I had to do. As I was on the floor, I tried to collect my thoughts and finish my essay, but I'm not too sure it worked (I'm very sure that my essay was horrible).

One thing I know for sure, however, is that all of these troubles will help me in the end.

I stay in shape while I swim. I learn more every day at school. All of the places that we wish we could erase are actually something we should look forward to.

I can't say that I'm just going to flip a switch and be positive all the time, but I'm surely going to try to be better. And I hope you can too.

Anyway, carry on.
xx Em