The End of an Era

Okay, here's the thing: I'm a bit over it.

"It" being swimming.

I've been swimming ever since I was nine years old, and now, nearly six years later, I feel like I'm drifting away from it.

When I was younger, I had this bizarre dream of going to the Olympic Games for swimming. I realize now that my dream was far fetched.

I've never been a super fast swimmer, but I've never been super slow either. I'm kinda just the person who floats around the swim deck and swims their races.

During practice I feel fine, but, a lot of the time, I feel like everyone is going fast and it's hard for me to keep up.

After I finished my first season of high school swimming, I realized how much more I liked that than club swimming. It was a different environment and I had a lot more fun there than I did on club.

That doesn't mean that I never had good moments on club though. I have had plenty.

All of our snapchat stories were up to date
 with our insanity.

This past weekend, I was at my very last Age Group State Championships with my club swim team. In the past three days alone, I have made so many new memories that I will remember for a long time.

For example, there was this one coach that was stationed close to our coach. I don't remember what team she was coaching for, but everyone on our team knows of a girl on that team. I don't know what this girl looks like or exactly how old she is, but I know her name. Her name is Eve. Her coach, who could easily double as her own mother in this situation, was always extra enthusiastic about Eve's races. She would use exaggerated hand movements and clap her hands as she screamed, "GO, EVE! COME ON, EVE! GET IN THERE, EVE! LET'S GO!" It became an ongoing joke throughout our team and I finally witness it in action on the very last day. It was seriously the most bizarre thing I have ever witnessed.

Another thing that happened at state, occurred during the relays each night. I understand that relays can be stressful. There are four times as many people in the back hallway than there are normally. One lady was in charge of lining us all up before our heat was insane though. She would continually ask us what heat and lane we were in and asked us to line up first to last. She kept doing the same up and down motion with both of her hands and had this crazy look in here eyes. She had definitely seen some shit behind those extremely large glasses she had on.

This weekend was one for the books, whether or not I actually swam well. I'm happy I was able to end the last state meet as an age group swimmer with the people I ended it with. I'm proud to say that our team helped each other throughout the few days of torturous chlorine burns and tight suits. I'm happy it ended on a good note.

Anyway, carry on.
xx Em

Wishful Thinking

Okay, here's the thing: I've spent my whole life wishing. 

Most of this wishing has to do with my location.

I think that everyone has had that feeling. A feeling of slight disappointment and feeling like they want to be anywhere else but where they are.

If the person reading this post is one of my close friends, you have definitely seen me at this point. Nearly everyday I say something about not wanting to swim, go to school, etc.

I think that one of my issues is that I tend to think about too many things at one time and it builds up too high. When I have too many things on my mind I start to complain about it and then it comes out in a rumble of negativity. After I spit it all out I begin thinking about it even more and it's always just sitting in the back of my mind, ruining my mood.

I sometimes wish I was back on this road trip. 

For the past few days I have actually had a lot on my mind, and it has proven what I just explained above. This  week is the week before the quarter ends, and I am missing Thursday and Friday of school due to a swim meet, the state competition. This has been looming over me since sometime last week, when we really started to work on racing during practice. While I was at practice I was thinking about the homework I had to do and the tests I had to study for. While I was doing my homework, I was thinking about the swimming competition.

Last Sunday, when I was scrambling to finish an essay that was due that night, I was having the hardest time focusing. I was trying my best to get all of my thoughts down on the paper, but I began to think about swim. I hadn't been feeling very good since High School Swim season had ended, and the meet was approaching so fast. I remember staring at a sentence on the computer screen that I had been rewriting over and over while I thought about how poorly I would do at State.

At this point, I began freaking out and every little thing was distracting me. I was so on edge that one small thing brought me to my breaking point.

I laid face down on the ground and silently cried. It seems dramatic, but it's what I had to do. As I was on the floor, I tried to collect my thoughts and finish my essay, but I'm not too sure it worked (I'm very sure that my essay was horrible).

One thing I know for sure, however, is that all of these troubles will help me in the end.

I stay in shape while I swim. I learn more every day at school. All of the places that we wish we could erase are actually something we should look forward to.

I can't say that I'm just going to flip a switch and be positive all the time, but I'm surely going to try to be better. And I hope you can too.

Anyway, carry on.
xx Em

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

Okay, here's the thing: I really appreciate the nice things in life.

At this point in the school year, when everyone is stressed out because it's near the end of the year, it is hard to stay calm. Many people are on edge and seem to be in a very bad mood, so when you actually have a nice moment, it is vital that you hold on to it.

This may seem super obnoxious and cliché but it's very true. I feel like school sometimes brings your mood down as the school year drones by, so the little moments that give you a happy feeling is really a nice feeling.

I'm going to share a few nice moments that I remember in reverse order. Starting from the night to the early mornings. While the nighttime brings serenity and a kind of calm that the chaos of the daytime doesn't have, the daytime has a certain quality that is equally as enjoyable.

When I was at my friends house a couple months ago, I remember dancing around her pool table as we blasted music throughout her house in the middle of the night. It was pitch black outside and we were laughing a lot from being so tired, it was quite fantastic, to be frank (A/N: To the person this moment was with, I hope you like my joke).

I remember sitting on the lid of a hot tub and staring into the stars (which sounds even more grossly cliché than the topic of this post) while listening to music (what a surprise). That was a good feeling to have. I even remember a few of the songs we were listening to then.

Then, of course, sunsets.

Sunsets bring memories of taking dumb "artsy" photos with my friends on Halloween when we were all wearing animal onesies and annoying the neighbors.

Or the time I was up at Guardsman's during the late fall as the sunset a few weeks before school started. I was laying in the backseat of a pickup truck and was looking out of the back window as a few of my friends talked around me. I was enjoying a small moment to myself and was a bit out of the conversation, but that moment has stuck with me for a while.

This photo (taken by yours truly) was posted on Insta in August 2015.

If any of my readers follow me on Instagram, you might know that I used to (take note of the past tense) post numerous photos of sunsets because, in my hopes of becoming the amazing photographer that I am, only found inspiration in the colors in the sky. I have since stopped posting the amount of sunset pictures as I used to, but I still take them from time to time.

They also remind me of biking with a friend down the hill of her street to a football game. Following that action with immediately turning back once we realized we would have to socialize with people from school. We laughed as we trudged our bikes all the way up the hill again as the sun set behind us.

During midday, I am mostly reminded of summer barbecues and jumping on friends trampolines. It reminds me of times when I was little and the only thing I had to worry about was what color Otter pop I was going to get from the freezer.

And the morning.

The morning might remind a lot of you of waking up for school, and I think the same, but it does remind me of a few moments.

Like when the sprinklers went off when a friend and I were sleeping on my trampoline one night. We had to run back inside and hope that the blankets didn't get too ruined.

It also reminds me of early morning swim practices, which were hellish, but brought me closer to my swim friends in the long run.

What I really want to say is, at any point of the day you can experience something that will make your heart warm. It might even become a memory that you'll remember until you're one hundred years old (hopefully you last that long).

Anyway, carry on.
xx Em