The Time I Was Truly a Salty Stressball (Part Two)

Okay, here's the thing: read Part One first.

"Swimmers, please stand. Lane six, step down."

When I heard those words, the man behind the lane helped me down from the blocks and a million thoughts were running through my head. I thought that we might have been disqualified because of our tardiness to getting up onto the blocks. I was just

wondering why this had to happened to me on my very first meet of the High School season.

My thoughts were only partially answered when the kind man behind the block told me that my coach said that my relay wasn't swimming in this event.

I was extremely confused at this point, but I saw Kelly's hair out of the corner of my eye, and looked at her with a questioning expression on my face.

"This is the 200 Free Relay not the 400 Free Relay."

My brain's first instinct after hearing these words was to cry. So, I did.

I burst into tears right behind that block.

This is probably what I looked like as I cried.
Courtesy of Love Beach Blog

I was shaking as if I was in Antarctica, I had the most pounding headache I've ever experienced, and, in front of multiple strangers, I cried.

My friends came to comfort me, but I probably looked like a maniac because, honestly, I had no idea why I was crying, but, no matter what I did, I couldn't stop.

This for some reason was funny for me, so I was laughing hysterically, while also crying about something else.

I guess it was the pure terror of being disqualified at my first meet, the extreme stress that the thought of that brought, and the relief that followed after hearing that I didn't actually have to do that was what made me cry.

This experience cycled me through the stages of a breakup, in a way. Maybe not quite in order, but I went through them all in one way or another.

First, I was confused what was going on, and I had too many questions that needed to be answered, but weren't quite being answered in the way I needed them to be.

Second, I kept telling myself that "this couldn't be happening." Instead, I was just having nightmare that was giving me a heart attack from the stress. 

Third, when it actually didn't happen, I collapsed into despair, and cried. Whether it was from relief or something else, I would be the only one to know, but I couldn't answer that if I tried.

Fourth, I was pretty dang salty (and not from the tears I had just previously shed). I was pissed. I didn't know why, but I was so frustrated with, not only Kelly, but myself for putting myself through that confusion, stress, and sadness.

Finally, I met acceptance with the fact that it was a mistake, and it was going to be okay. 

I even thought of it as a learning experience, and even though I left an entire three-fourths of my relay behind in the chaos, I was able to get the the blocks in time before they left.

I don't think I will every feel like I did that night ever again. Well, at least I hope not.

Anyway, carry on.

xx Em