Ants in My Drink (Flop Friday #3)

Okay, here’s the thing: ants do not add extra flavor.

This flop comes from a few weeks ago when I visited Washington DC for a wedding.

At the reception after the wedding there was an open bar for beverages. A group of us, consisting of Caroline, Carolina, and Leo. Yes, I do realize that Caroline and Carolina are very similar names, but they have pretty different personalities. I also realize that this is Leo, the same person who was mentioned in the last Flop Friday post. 

It was Carolina’s idea to order Shirley Temples. She was the one who sparked the idea for the rest of us. This obviously made Carolina get her drink first. She was kind enough to sit and wait for us as we ordered our drinks, so she was standing off to the side, peacefully sipping her drink. 

This looks similar to what my drink looked like -- minus the ants, of course.

Courtesy of Chowhound

All of the sudden we heard Carolina gasp.

“Guys…,” we heard as the man handed us each our drinks. We all asked what was happening, but all she did was pull out her phone and turn the flashlight on. 

Again we heard her murmur something and then she showed us what she was talking about. 

Floating around in her drink were multiple mini ants. We were all shocked and checked our own drinks, and, sure enough, we all had them in our drinks as well. 

Carolina wanted to try again, so she handed back the drink. Unfortunately, her second Shirley Temple also had ants in it.

We felt bad enough for the guy who gave us our drinks already and didn't want to embarrass him once again, so we just left the guy with his other drinks and walked away. 

The second we left the room, I stealthily placed my drink on top of a table and walked away as we went back to the area we were sitting. Carolina was too shocked by the fact that she probably just ingested a few ants into her system because of her drink, so she was just holding the drink in her hand, not quite knowing what to do with it.

On the other hand, Leo and Caroline actually wanted this Shirley Temple pretty badly. Once we got back to our seating area, Leo attempted to drink the beverage very carefully, trying to avoid the ants. Caroline was immediately off to work with her miniature straw, picking out every single ant from her drink. 

This was an incredible sight to watch from my perspective. I had Leo to my left, looking into his Shirley Temple as if it was telling him the answer to the universe. To my right was Caroline, who had the most disgusted look on her face as she picked out the ants from her drink. Carolina was in front of me, with a blank expression on her face as she tried to process everything that had just happened. 

Eventually, Caroline got all of the ants out of her drink and finished off the beverage. Leo spent a half an hour with the process he was trying before he eventually gave up. Carolina had discarded of her drink long before Leo had, but we could all tell she was still shaken up about the ant fiasco.

Later on throughout the night, we went back to check what might have caused the ants to be in the drink. One of the first things we check gave us our answer. It was the sweet, red flavoring, called grenadine, that they put in Shirley Temple drinks. The juice in the bottle had an abundance of small ants floating around in the liquid, clearly confirming that the insects in our drink were due to that beverage.

After the mystery of the ant-filled drinks was solved, we carried on with our night, and celebrated the marriage of the happy couple's wedding we were attending.

I'm not sure what happened to Carolina or Caroline after they drank even just a little bit of their drinks, but, according to Leo, he had thrown up during the middle of the night after he had the drink. Whether or not the same thing happened to the other two girls, or if the reason Leo got sick even had to do with the ants in the drink, is unknown.

The next time I see someone make me a Shirley Temple, I am going to make sure that the grenadine they add to my drink doesn't have a family of ants floating inside of it. I don't want to relive that experience again.

Anyway, carry on.

xx Em

How NOT to Snorkel (Flop Friday #2)

Okay, here's the thing: standing up is lethal.

I learned this fact over Spring Break 2015, when I rented a house in Mexico with two of my close family friends, Leo and Lucy.

About midway through our week's travels, all of our families decided to go snorkeling right off of the beach where the house we were staying at was located. I had gone with my dad a couple days before Lucy and Leo's families had arrived, so I knew what we needed to get for gear.

Lucy and I had gotten our gear picked out, but Leo was still having some troubles trying to get flippers that would fit his feet. We were standing next to the side door that lead to outside as Leo was trying on one of the last available flippers that might fit him.

As we were standing by Leo as he tried on the flippers, Lucy's mom, Christina, was coming in from the beach and opened the door that Leo was standing by.

All of the sudden, Leo started yelling, but we didn't know why until we realized that he had been holding on to the door frame, and when Christina opened the door, his thumb was smashed between the frame and the door.

Many slightly panic filled minutes later, Leo, Lucy, Christina, Kristin (Leo's mom), and I were all standing around the kitchen island. Leo had his thumb in a cup of ice water, and everyone else was talking to Kristen to fill her in a bout what had just occurred. Then, all of the sudden, Leo fell forward on to a bag of chips that were on the counter.

What you should know about Leo, is that he jokes around. All of the time. Lucy and I, who had been around this joking sense of humor for a couple of days started laughing at what Leo was assumably joking around about. But, when he knocked over the cup of ice water, when he fell, we started to worry.

"Leo, you spilled the water, stop!" I remember Lucy saying seconds before we realized what was happening.

He wouldn't have taken the joke to the point where it made a huge mess, so we know that something was seriously wrong. As we all realized that he had passed out, and were about to help him, his entire body gave out, and he fell to the floor, taking the bag of chips with him to the ground.

We were all shocked, but Kristen's reaction was the worst. She began screaming bloody murder for help, and immediately started crying. My mom ran in and lifted Leo's head to make sure he was okay. Kristen was still having a breakdown because her son had just collapsed when I heard a voice coming from the ground say, "Mom. I'm fine."

It really was a scare, but the rest of the week went by great. Although we had to spend the rest of the day making sure nothing serious had happened to Leo after the fall, we still had a good time.

This photo, taken by my dad, perfectly captures the events that occurred in the hours after Leo passed out.

The moral of this (literal) flop story is, if you have been injured, please sit down. If, for some reason, your injury leads you to faint, the only place you can go from standing up is down. And there's a very large chance that you won't land on a nice fluffy pillow. The only pillow Leo got was an unopened back of tortilla chips, but they didn't do much to help.

Anyway, carry on.
xx Em

How to Emotionally Scar Your Friend (Flop Friday #1)

Okay, here’s the thing: don’t do what I did.

Welcome to a new installment of the Salty Stressball blog. Flop Fridays, in which I write about a time in my life in which I, or someone I know, ended up as a flop. Urban Dictionary defines a flop as something that fails miserably, but you could also interpret "flop" in the literal sense, meaning something has fallen in one way or another.

This flop happened only a few weeks ago, when I was invited to go to Lagoon Amusement Park with my friend Emma (yes, we do have the same name). On the drive to Lagoon, my friend Abbi was texting me. For the past year or so, Abbi and I have made many trips to Lagoon together, so the fact that I was going with someone else made her a bit… salty (haha). Most of the time, our conversations over text (and in real life), are full of sarcasm, so I knew I didn’t need to be too worried about this. 

You see, whenever Abbi and I go to Lagoon, she won’t go on the Rocket ride with me. This is because, somehow, Abbi heard about a little girl who was squashed underneath the ride as it fell back to the ground. This is a very valid reason to be terrified of the ride, so I don't ever try to push her to go on it.

I ended up going on the Rocket with Emma, and for some crazy reason, my brain decided that it would be funny to mess around with Abbi about this. So, on our way home, I texted her.

Me: Um hi. Something really bad happened at Lagoon, today.

Abbi: Which was?

Me: Well, you know the ride that you never want to go on?

Abbi: Yes… Oh gosh… What happened?

This was the point at which I could’ve turned around and gotten myself out of this mess, but, unfortunately, I kept going. 

Me: I went on it, and when the ride came down, my foot got stuck.

Abbi: ???????

I knew at this point that she was already worried, but I assumed that she didn’t really believe me. I thought that she was just going to go along with me and laugh at the joke, but I was very wrong. And my next response didn’t help me in any way.

Me: So, I am currently hospitalized.

Abbi: ARE YOU SERIOUS????

I was happily giggling to myself at this point because I knew I had fooled her, but I didn't want to make the situation too awful. I knew she believed me so I tried to get her to realize I was joking by responding in only short words or phrases.

Me: Yes.

Abbi: EMMA, OH MY GOD!

Me: I am in pain.

Abbi: DUDE!

The next part of this “joke” is what I was the most proud of. I responded with the exact picture below, without any context.

Courtesy of Tom Brezsny

Yes. I know. A picture of Ashton Kutcher and the “You Just Got Punk'd” title. 

This probably seems terribly cruel to most of the people reading this, but in my mind, I was a comedy genius. Abbi didn't agree.

Abbi: ...I am in literal tears. I hate you so much.

Me: YOU CRIED?!

Abbi: I CRIED FROM PANIC!

What followed this reply was a lengthy explanation in which Abbi told me that, when she saw I had texted her, she was going to pretend to be mad that I went to Lagoon without her. She had everything planned out, but when I said that I was hospitalized she was taken aback, and blamed it on herself. Abbi had no reason to blame my "injury" on her, but her brain did, either way. She then told me that she was going to say something about how it was karma for not going to Lagoon with her, but as she was frantically typing that, I sent the picture, and she lost it.

The following day, I saw Abbi at school. She wouldn't talk to me for a while, but when she finally did speak to me, the first thing she said was, "You emotionally scarred me."

Whenever this occurrence surfaces in conversation, Abbi never forgets to mention how much she hates me for it. She also talks about how she will get me back for it eventually, which in return, makes me a bit paranoid to be honest.

I hope I have reached out to you soon enough in your life that a prank hasn't ended as a flop for you. If so, try your hardest not to prank your friends in this sort of way. I recommend the classics that don't scar anyone; it's your safest bet.

Anyway, carry on.

xx Em